Confession: I used to be a Goth.

It was many years ago, in olden times, back when I was a young teen.  I didn’t dress all in black everyday.  I didn’t wear kabuki make-up or paint my fingernails black, nevertheless I was really into Gothic stuff.  I couldn’t get enough of Dark Shadows.  I devoured books by Daphne du Maurie and the Brontes.  When I was about 14 I even wrote a short story that was a true Gothic/Horror/Romance (it wasn’t half bad if I do say so myself, and I believe I just did.)

I loved the dark and the horror and the romance, and yes that definitely included vampires.  I didn’t discover vampires at that age.  They had fascinated me since I was too young to be watching old B movies on TV.  I still love vampires (with the exception of Twilight which has never attracted me, although to be fair I have not read any of the books.)  I still love horror.  I still love the dark.  I still love romance.

I don’t, however, love romance the way I used to love it.  I used to believe that one day all that stuff would happen to me.  I no longer believe that.  I didn’t realize that I miss that hopefulness about romance until one evening recently when I heard a song I hadn’t listening to in years; since I used to believe in romance.  It all came rushing back to me.  Yes, I miss it, but I don’t believe in it anymore.

Oh I still believe there is romance in the world.  I still believe that others experience it, but that old line “There’s someone for everyone” is a lie.  If I were the only person in the world who never found anyone I would just chalk it up to there being something horribly wrong with me, but I know quite a few women and men who have never made that connection and had it last as a relationship.  Either there was some tragic and irreparable impediment to the relationship, or they just never found someone.  I also still believe in marriage but I wouldn’t base it exclusively on romantic love.  That is a recipe for disaster.

That doesn’t mean I don’t have love in my life.  I have a lot of love of all different types and from many different people.  In some ways this is a much more realistic way to get your needs met because the idea that one other person can be everything for you is also a lie.

Today’s lesson is Daniel 9: 4-10 and it has nothing to do with Gothic romance.  Instead it is about confession.  Confession, in short, is telling the truth.  It might be the truth about what happened, or what you feel, or what you believe.  I confession is a vulnerable thing to do.  It exposes both our weaknesses and your most valued ideals.

One of my favorite movies is “The Russia House”.  In it Katya says to her suitor, “I hope you are not being frivolous.  I only have room in my life now for truth.”  That is my choice as well.  I want to live my life in truth.

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About candivernon

I used to be Candi Vernon, but now I'm Candi Vernon Cubbage. I write, therefore I am a writer.
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