I’ve felt like I was going nowhere for a few weeks now. I guess we all have times in our lives when we feel a little bit adrift. There are times when plans and dreams fall apart. There are times when the support we thought we had just isn’t there. There are times when it just feels like no progress is being made and our energy is running out.
It occurred to be today that maybe it’s not that I’m going nowhere, but that I need to stop and let some other people catch up. I have this vision of where we are going and there are those who seem to agree, but maybe they aren’t seeing as far into the future as I think I am. Maybe I am on exactly the right path, but unless I want to travel it alone I’d better rest here a while.
While I’m here, I’ve been thinking. I have wanted to be a writer since I was very young. Now here I am. I write just about everyday. I guess I’m a writer, I’m just not writing the things I’d thought I’d be writing (great, passionate novels.) Maybe I am writing the things I need to be writing instead. At least I am writing and it feels right. In fact, I am writing more now than I ever have in my life. I have this feeling that if I just sit here and type long enough, something really magnificent is eventually going to appear.’
Well. It could happen.
If I stop worrying about whether I am good enough or not.
Today’s reading is John 5: 17-30. This is one of those passages where Jesus says, “I’ll be the judge of that.” Of course that means I’ll be the judge of you. We aren’t supposed to be judging each other. I strongly suspect we aren’t supposed to be judging ourselves either. Let Jesus be the judge. It’s his job.